New invention idea: vibrating tampons
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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