i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
