I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
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