She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
