im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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