Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
