I think i peed on brittanys purse
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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