Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
