I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize