is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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