Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
vagina is talking i cant
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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