if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
last night I used snow as a chaser
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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