i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
