Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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