No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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