just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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