She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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