The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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