My room smells like vodka and shame
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
