we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
