Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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