I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
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