Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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