my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
