i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
