if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Randomize
