i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
