Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
