so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
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