okay pat passed out under dana's car
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
