Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
When did we convert life to cartoon?
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
