So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
