I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
