I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
she smelled like a LAN party
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I can't turn off my feet"
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
