i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
