she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
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