my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
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I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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