4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
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