I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
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