only if we run a train.
done.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
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