remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
