i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
