Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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