Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Randomize
