you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
