Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Randomize
