he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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