Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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