you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
