I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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