i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
