There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
we have officially lost it.
one might say we're banned from that church
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
