like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
