He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
