i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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