Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
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