Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Randomize
