Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
