I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
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