Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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