It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Randomize
