Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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