i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
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