Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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