why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
