and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Randomize
