I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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