im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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