we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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