had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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