I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
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I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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