I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
