haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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