Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
