i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
