If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
