You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
So vagazzling was a success
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Randomize
