You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
