It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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