god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
