He passed out mid-signature
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
