I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
