just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Randomize
