If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
