fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
